“The Best Idea We Ever Had...”
Happy National Park Week. Yellowstone was #1 in 1872 (Thank you, U.S. Grant), and we've been adding 'em ever since. And you know what else we've added? Our first Native American Secretary of the Interior, who’s logging some impressive mileage during her tenure:
You can follow Secretary Haaland’s travels on twitter here, and keep up to speed via the Interior Department’s press room here.
"The establishment of the National Park Service is justified by considerations of good administration, of the value of natural beauty as a National asset, and of the effectiveness of outdoor life and recreation in the production of good citizenship."
— Theodore Roosevelt —
"The parks do not belong to one state or to one section. The Yosemite, the Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon are national properties in which every citizen has a vested interest; they belong as much to the man of Massachusetts, of Michigan, of Florida, as they do to the people of California, of Wyoming, and of Arizona."
— Stephen Mather, NPS director 1917-1929 —
“Every national park has its own unique story to tell, yet so much of our nation’s shared heritage can be found in the towering forests and vast desert expanses that make up our National Park System. The outdoors has also proven to be a welcome refuge during the past year of the pandemic. I encourage everyone to enjoy the beauty and wonder of our national parks safely and responsibly.”
— Secretary of the Interior Deb Haaland —
A few more pics here. Please note that the C&J kiddie pool is not considered an official national park. But the paperwork has been submitted. Now comes Step 2: convincing Kos to stop un-submitting it.
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, April 24, 2024
Note: ELEVATOR BROKEN. PLEASE USE WICKER BASKET ATTACHED TO STRING AFTER LEAVING EVERYTHING TO ME IN YOUR WILL. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til International Workers Day: 7
Days 'til the Oregon Cheese Festival in Central Point: 3
Cost of the high-speed rail line that just broke ground and will run between Los Angeles and Las Vegas: $12 billion
Maximum speed at which the train will run during the two-hour trip: 186 mph
Vehicle miles driven in the U.S. in February, up 1.4% from February of 2023: 275 billion
Number of streams of Taylor Swift's new album on Spotify last Friday: 300 million
Length of time it took Swift on Friday to break the old streaming record: 12 hours
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 188 (including 4 climate calamities and 1 God-endorsed end of Rudy Giuliani's enemies). Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Dogs support libraries…
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CHEERS to starting out with an easy layup. Today is “National Pigs in a Blanket Day.” Or as it's also known: “Nap time at Mar-A-Lago.”
CHEERS to order in the court. It was a big day at The Trump Trial yesterday, as the gag order kerfuffle took center stage. After hearing arguments pro and con, and pondering the issue for a good long time in his chambers, Judge Juan Merchan returned to the bench to announce that he'd arrived at his decision:
"I hereby order that it is perfectly reasonable that anyone who finds it necessary to gag at the sight of the defendant should be allowed to continue doing so."
As for Trump's violation of his gag order, I don’t know what happened because I got distracted by a Patty Duke marathon on the TV. (C’mon, people, I can only focus on one critical matter at a time.)
JEERS to fighting amongst ourselves. Rage and rancor were on full display this week. Yelling and screaming and finger-pointing. Spittle flying through the air. It got so bad that the official in charge told one of the participants to get the hell outta there and go home or he'd really be given something to cry about. Chaos, confusion, fighting…horrible, all of it. And as social media explodes and many fear for the future of our country, you have to wonder if the protest will, in the end, help or hurt the cause. But enough about the ejection of Yankees manager Aaron Boone from Monday's game. Anyone hear anything about the Israel-Palestine campus demonstrations?
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to a big eye in the sky. 34 years ago today, the Hubble space telescope, now eclipsed by its more impressive companion the Webb telescope, was placed into orbit by the crew of the Space Shuttle Discovery. And instead of birthday cake and ice cream, we’re serving something a little more tasty: a tasty image of the Southern Crab Nebula...
When the early Hubble photos were revealed to we Earthlings, Democrats saw the wonder of an evolving universe and the hope of discovering intelligent life one day and harnessing our collective strengths for the good of the cosmos. Republicans saw potential fracking fields and the hope of discovering millions of new suckers on which to foist reverse-mortgages, political fundraising scams, and unscrupulous payday lenders. Eh. Potato, Puhtahto, right?
JEERS to today's edition of Gee, Thanks, That's So Helpful. Courtesy of Monday's daily email from The New York Times about the Ukraine military aid package:
The war has often revolved around artillery, which are large guns that armies use to fire explosive shells and hit targets from a great distance.
This has been today's edition of Gee, Thanks, That's So Helpful.
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Ten years ago in C&J: April 24, 2014
CHEERS to Li'l Bubba or Bubbette. Congratulations to Chelsea Clinton and her husband on the kidlet they're going to welcome into the world this fall. Here's how the media reacted to what will be the first grandchild of #42 and #45:
CNN: No one has actually seen the baby, so you have to assume it's missing and wonder if maybe there isn’t an alien abduction aspect to this story.
FOX: What does that fetus know about Benghazi? The answer might shock you.
MSNBC: Subpoenaed documents reveal a memo by Chris Christie assistant Bridgett Kelly that reads: "Time for some traffic problems in Chelsea's birth canal?"
CNBC: If they're smart they'll skip the silver spoon and go with an investment-quality baby utensil from GoldLine.
HLN: I'm Nancy Grace and this pregnancy is an…OUTRAGE!!! I don’t know why yet, but I'll think of SOMETHING!
Rush Limbaugh: Mark my words, this is an implanted baby Vince Foster!
Meet the Press: Some say the baby was produced for political reasons. Others disagree. And we're out of time so we'll have to leave it there.
Oh somehow I don’t think you will, Dancing Dave.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to joining the coolest club in Clubland. I must say, this whole Rock and Roll Hall of Fame fad seems to have some staying power. The 39th annual inductees were announced this week, and this year’s batch is a worthy bunch…
Congrats to all the inductees, who will formally get their scepters and sashes in November. But, once again, C&J must object—as we have every year since inductions began in 1986—to the continued snub of musical supernova Shaun Cassidy, who made the world safe for slightly-askew painter's caps. It's becoming increasingly difficult to tamp down the bitterness. Help us, President Biden...you’re our only hope.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
BREAKING SNOOZE: Bill in Portland Maine Had To Be ‘Jolted Awake’ In Cheers and Jeers—4th Time At Least
—Mediaite
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